If you’re anything like me, you will have had about as much as you can take of the interminable and vacuous spiral of lies, misinformation, accusation, counter-accusation, image-projection, banality, ageism, ignorance and, above all, overwhelming stupidity that is the 2015 British general election campaign.
Dodgy Dave Spameron is desperate to persuade us he’s a genuine man of the people, rather than an insufferable toff with no idea of what life is like for most people. Meanwhile, Ed Millipede is desperate to persuade us he’s a man of the people, rather than a moneyed intellectual with no idea of what life is like for most people. Nigel Barrage, despite his loopy and possibly dangerous collection of policies and party members, continues to be the man most people would be happy to meet with over a pint of beer. Nicola Sturgeon (no need to make up an amusing name – she’s already got one) is proving to be a bit of a handful. The others all seem to have lost the media’s interest and dropped out of the scene.

I’m a bit concerned about Millipede’s creepy stares into the camera, as if he’s trying to persuade us all to get into bed with him literally, rather than metaphorically. Maybe sex is a subliminal force in this election though. There’s the lovely lady from Plaid Cymru. And the Sturgeon would make an impressive dominatrix (have you seen those heels?) It would be bad news for the avuncular, toad-faced Barrage. Bad news too for the putty faced Dave (“Oh my goodness no: it’d be like shagging a wax work”).

Perversely, no party is likely to win an outright majority, and so the balance of power will rest with the SNP, who don’t even want to be part of the UK. I’m confused as to why Scottish and Welsh parties are playing a full part in the campaign, whereas the parties of Northern Island which, as far as I’m aware, is still part of the UK, aren’t getting so much as a mention.

I’m fed up with the leaders telling us what they intend to do for ‘young people’ and ‘working families’, as if no-one else mattered to them (oh, hang on a minute – they don’t). But it’s the rank stupidity of the politicians that gets me. I considered voting green, except Ms Bennett has announced that anyone who wants to come and live in Britain will be welcome, and she intends to build as many houses as are needed to put them up. So much for sustainability then. I thought Mr Darcy was supposed to be keeping her in check. It’s ironic that the only party who seem to have any understanding that ours is already an over-populated country and that we can’t afford to let our population grow any more, are pretty much bonkers on everything else. Although they are saying that they’ll ensure any new houses are built on brown field sites, which makes more sense than the Tory’s attempts to dump housing estates on Sites of Special Scientific Interest.

I’ll be glad when it’s all over. Except, I know it’ll end in tears. It shouldn’t be that difficult a choice for our supposedly sophisticated electorate. If only they could learn to think for themselves, rather than believing the lies and misinformation fed to them on a daily basis by a media controlled by the rich elite.

So it looks like another five years of austerity then…