Apparently some church people have accused the National Trust of airbrushing Easter. I wondered what they were worried about – after all, airbrushes do give a nice smooth effect. Maybe, I thought, they don’t want the NT to use airbrushes because they weren’t around when the bible was invented.

But no – it’s got something to do with eggs. The NT run an egg hunt at Easter in collaboration with Cadbury’s. In their publicity material they called it an egg hunt, rather than an Easter egg hunt, and apparently that’s blasphemous, because it promotes the evil cult of egg worship at the expense of the real message of Easter, which is about the resurrection of the Easter Bunny (or something like that). Anyway, it’s enraged the church. Archbish Sillimoo said something or other about The National Trust being in league with the devil, which seems a bit strong – I mean, I know Cadbury’s don’t use real chocolate in their cream eggs anymore, but does that really mean they’re equivalent to old Beelzebub himself?

The BBC (Bible Broadcasting Company) were so upset by it all that they couldn’t bring themselves to talk to anyone from the National Trust , so instead they interviewed a nice man who makes proper Easter eggs, that have had a holy carrot waved over them before they leave the factory, and a message of hop from the bunny god himself inside. Of course, he agreed that the National Trust’s behaviour is outrageous (the egg man, not the Easter Bunny – he was nowhere to be found).

Not everyone agrees though. Some people have said that the NT’s material actually mentions the word ‘Easter’ rather a lot, and that the story is just a ploy  by a failing religion to bully people with their religious ideas, as well as to promote their disingenuous narrative of religious persecution. But that can’t be true, because those people are evil, egg-worshipping militant atheists, at least according to all of the newspapers(1), including the Daily Teledaft; the paper where the story was first broken (it’s since been glued back together).

1. Apart from the Atheist Post, which led with the headline, ‘Fundamentalist Christians want to steal chocolate sweets from your kids!’

Note: No animals were harmed during the making of this blog post (although some eggs may have been cracked).